Am I or Aren't I

I can't believe this time last week we had a garden full of snow and this weekend it was just bitter cold and icy.  I have had a strange week too, after feeling utterly down over my aged looks (vanity I know) then releasing how much more the camera brings up than the naked eye (I felt a tiny bit better) and seeing that my eyes know longer want to close at 1pm or there abouts I felt mentally lifted.

The body front, unfortunately, isn't as healthy as my mental state.  I have had more aching in the left and fire balls occurring this week.  I know that my 3rd boob solid lump has faded but I think that is more due to the fact I have weight back now in that area and have what I would say is a reasonably chest instead of two thin bits of skin falling forward when I lent over - too much for the imagine to deal with I know.  But the lump has hidden back within the fat of the boob for want of a better description.

My neck had that stiffness that if I moved incorrectly the shooting pains travelled down to my finger tips and I swear that when I laid in bed my left side felt like it was swollen.  Padding underneath the skin is how I would say it felt.

Never the less, I am not going to worry myself to death about it, there isn't that much I can do about it anyway unless a miracle drops from the sky.  I can only hope that I am like so many others and have a slow growth pattern and it remains slow.  I don't want to go from nothing to 2cm overnight.  Although with it being some 4 years this month since my last chemo treatment maybe I would be allowed to give Almita another go, although I think I am one of the 60% it doesn't work on.

It is so good to hear that quite a number are doing well, Harry has recovered from surgery so fast I think he should be awarded a medal, Tom is 3 weeks away from the end of his treatment in the Bahamas and it sounds like a meso friend will be intouch with a lady who has survived over 10 years and only ever had one cycle of chemo.  These bits of news warm your heart as every day we hear someone else has become diagnosed with meso.

I struggled to get started with a new program called dreamweaver but am now well on the way with it, I guess my meso is as persistent as I am in doing things, makes you wonder whether our cells are controlled by how our mind works sometimes.  I don't give up on a challenge and I guess my body see's destroying the meso as a challenge so continues to battle, instead of leaving well alone.  So I said to my body do not bother dealing with meso as it will just keep irritating you and you suffer!

On Friday I worked from home with a log fire burning in the office, how could I want to leave the comfort of the house, unfortunately I really got going with Dreamweaver and spent the entire weekend in the office working on the website.  I think hubby and the dogs felt abandoned, and I really should devote time to them all instead of working so much!  On that note guess its time to get ready for work....

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