The role of the step parent in each family is going to be different. When the father is still very involved in the lives of the children in question, step parenting is going to be less involved. When the father (or mother) is missing in action, the step parent may have to fill a role that they were not prepared for in the beginning, but may have become aware of as the relationship with the other parent became more serious. Even then, the lines of what step parenting may mean in a family are often tricky unless a series of serious conversations take place.
Some people want the person they marry to do minimal step parenting. That means they are going to be a parent, but the main decisions about the children are not going to be in the hands of that step parent. This might mean that when something happens and the situation has not been discussed between spouses, the step parent may have to talk with the spouse to be sure they are on the right track with punishment. If step parenting becomes an issue, it could cause arguments and eat away at the marriage.
When the other parent is missing, step parenting becomes more involved and can be hard to get use to. Children are use to their original parents in many cases, and they are not sure what is going to happen when a family merges after a marriage. When someone new is involved in parenting, it is important that they do things just like the first set of parents. They may want to make changes for the better, but that is something that should wait. Keeping things steady when blending a new family makes things much smoother. The step parent can then see how it goes and suggest some changes as time goes by.
When two marry and combine children, they may both be worried about step parenting. It is a good idea to have long discussions before the marriage takes place, or before everyone is living under the same roof. Parenting styles can clash, so its important to know where each stands on all parenting issues. Some find that they can not agree on parenting issues, and that can mean the end of a relationship. That might be something to know before getting married if the step parenting styles are going to cause a train wreck that can never be rectified.
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