Well folks, after ten months of aggressive cancer treatments, we've concluded the course of treatment defined as the "standard protocol". In other words, we've run out of options where the benefits outweigh the risks for treating my cancer.
Some might rephrase my previous statement to say, "Woohoo! I'm done with my cancer treatments! I've been cured from cancer! Look ma, I beat cancer!"
I, on the other hand, know too much. When you have Stage 3C triple negative IBC, cancer that grows with chemo, a lot of residual cancer at the time of surgery, 26/34 lymph nodes positive with cancer, and remaining nodes in my neck post surgery.....my odds are not good.
So why do I have this crazy peace? Why am I not worried? Why am I so focused on living? On living to the fullest, today?
Well for one, at Christmas-time I wasn't sure I was going to be alive today. So in some ways, I'm just happy I made it to surgery, and then through radiation. It feels like I'm already living on borrowed time (but then, aren't we all?).
Another reason is I know full well that my days were numbered before time began. The Bible says, "You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer." (Job 14:5) I also am fully aware that worrying about recurrence and death is not going to extend my days. "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Luke 12:7)
Finally, I'm still in the semi-delusional state that God is going to heal me. Doesn't that sound crazy? How can someone familiar with how stats and data and research work believe that I will be healed (on this side of Heaven, that is)?
God is in the business of doing ridiculous things. There is story after story in the Old Testament where the Israelites should have been slaughtered, where the odds weren't good, when the data indicated they didn't have a shot. One time God even told them to decrease the size of their army so that when they won they couldn't take credit for the win. They would have to give God the glory. (Judges 7)
There isn't anything in the Bible that says I'm definitely going to be cured and live a long happy life with my family. But everything I read tells me that God. is. able. And we are called to "not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt 6:34)
So instead of waiting to see if my cancer is coming back, I'm going to get busy living, today.
Some might rephrase my previous statement to say, "Woohoo! I'm done with my cancer treatments! I've been cured from cancer! Look ma, I beat cancer!"
I, on the other hand, know too much. When you have Stage 3C triple negative IBC, cancer that grows with chemo, a lot of residual cancer at the time of surgery, 26/34 lymph nodes positive with cancer, and remaining nodes in my neck post surgery.....my odds are not good.
So why do I have this crazy peace? Why am I not worried? Why am I so focused on living? On living to the fullest, today?
Well for one, at Christmas-time I wasn't sure I was going to be alive today. So in some ways, I'm just happy I made it to surgery, and then through radiation. It feels like I'm already living on borrowed time (but then, aren't we all?).
Another reason is I know full well that my days were numbered before time began. The Bible says, "You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer." (Job 14:5) I also am fully aware that worrying about recurrence and death is not going to extend my days. "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Luke 12:7)
Finally, I'm still in the semi-delusional state that God is going to heal me. Doesn't that sound crazy? How can someone familiar with how stats and data and research work believe that I will be healed (on this side of Heaven, that is)?
God is in the business of doing ridiculous things. There is story after story in the Old Testament where the Israelites should have been slaughtered, where the odds weren't good, when the data indicated they didn't have a shot. One time God even told them to decrease the size of their army so that when they won they couldn't take credit for the win. They would have to give God the glory. (Judges 7)
There isn't anything in the Bible that says I'm definitely going to be cured and live a long happy life with my family. But everything I read tells me that God. is. able. And we are called to "not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt 6:34)
So instead of waiting to see if my cancer is coming back, I'm going to get busy living, today.
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