(I should try and get a more complete blog post on the hospital visit out soon. Just things have been crazy and I haven't been able to write. So here is a drug-addled bullet point blog post to just quickly get something out there tonight.)
+I was discharged tonight. The doctors were able to get me off of IV drugs and on to just oral ones I can take at home. I'm on an embarrassingly high amount of pain killers. But they are working and I'm comfortable which is amazing. (Every day you wake up without pain thank Jesus for that- don't take it for granted)
+I've been overwhelmed with trying to figure out the next step for treatments. We have a ton of leads for trials (PD-1 and PD-L1 mostly). With being in so much pain this weekend and now being doped up on pain killers, my brain is not able to handle staying on top of all the phone calls and research and to-do's needed to figure out what to do next. So my amazing friend Julie (who happens to be a radiation-oncologist) booked a flight this afternoon and is coming in right now to be my captain and figure everything out for me. Thank you Jesus for Julie.
+Coming back home to the boys was very painful this evening. Every little cute, adorable, smart, fun thing they do just made me cry tonight thinking about leaving them so soon. Emotionally this is hard to deal with.
+My oncologist gave me two months left to live if we did nothing / if nothing ends up working with the trials (which have a low probability of working). I'm having so much fun and I'm not ready to leave the party yet. I'm doing my best to submit to God's will and know that his plans are always better than mine, but it still doesn't take away the sadness of leaving my family so soon.
+I feel so horrible about making so many people around me so sad. Brad losing his wife, the kids not growing up with their mom, my parents being crushed, my friends being heartbroken, even readers on the blog saying that I've made them cry- I'm so, so, so sorry everyone. I like making people laugh and be happy and have fun. Making everyone sad is the pits.
+I'm really trying to stay focused on keeping my eyes on Jesus. Even in the middle of the storm, if I'm reading my Bible and praying, my heart is full of peace and joy. I still have hope for a miracle. One of these drugs has a low probability of working, but if it does work it could change my situation dramatically, and for a very long time. I feel more loved and cared for than ever before. Thank you to everyone that has reached out and loved on me. (Don't forget Brad- he needs love too! Guys, make sure you ask him how HE is doing too.) :-) I'm thankful for all the many, many blessings in my life. Too bad just one little bummer thing could take it all away very, very soon.
+I've been overwhelmed with trying to figure out the next step for treatments. We have a ton of leads for trials (PD-1 and PD-L1 mostly). With being in so much pain this weekend and now being doped up on pain killers, my brain is not able to handle staying on top of all the phone calls and research and to-do's needed to figure out what to do next. So my amazing friend Julie (who happens to be a radiation-oncologist) booked a flight this afternoon and is coming in right now to be my captain and figure everything out for me. Thank you Jesus for Julie.
+Coming back home to the boys was very painful this evening. Every little cute, adorable, smart, fun thing they do just made me cry tonight thinking about leaving them so soon. Emotionally this is hard to deal with.
+My oncologist gave me two months left to live if we did nothing / if nothing ends up working with the trials (which have a low probability of working). I'm having so much fun and I'm not ready to leave the party yet. I'm doing my best to submit to God's will and know that his plans are always better than mine, but it still doesn't take away the sadness of leaving my family so soon.
+I feel so horrible about making so many people around me so sad. Brad losing his wife, the kids not growing up with their mom, my parents being crushed, my friends being heartbroken, even readers on the blog saying that I've made them cry- I'm so, so, so sorry everyone. I like making people laugh and be happy and have fun. Making everyone sad is the pits.
+I'm really trying to stay focused on keeping my eyes on Jesus. Even in the middle of the storm, if I'm reading my Bible and praying, my heart is full of peace and joy. I still have hope for a miracle. One of these drugs has a low probability of working, but if it does work it could change my situation dramatically, and for a very long time. I feel more loved and cared for than ever before. Thank you to everyone that has reached out and loved on me. (Don't forget Brad- he needs love too! Guys, make sure you ask him how HE is doing too.) :-) I'm thankful for all the many, many blessings in my life. Too bad just one little bummer thing could take it all away very, very soon.
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